I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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