Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
