Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
