They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
