even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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