the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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