You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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