you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
