he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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