She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
