you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
