a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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