He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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