Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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