Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
