dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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