he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
