it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
