I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
