9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
