Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
