Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
