My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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