We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
