Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
