Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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