What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
