U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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