She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
