She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
