how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
