morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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