i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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