I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
