also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
