If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
