I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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