In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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