I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
