apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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