lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need to calm my uterus...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
