The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
