after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
