i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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