Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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