i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
