I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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