One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
