Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
