Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
