Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
