At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
