I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
