No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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