Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
