and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
