My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
