I want to stick my p in your. b.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
