I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
