I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
